Have to be Perfect
by Little Kouhai
Summary: In which Death the Kidd begins suffering from bulimia and Maka does everything in her power to help him. [The rating will probably go up later.]
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: This is an experimental piece of work and I really refuse to be sued for wasting your time with what may possibly be complete garbage.**

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"Kidd has been gone for quite a while now, hasn't he...?"

Tsubaki's unsure but concerned tone caused the attention of the others to turn to her. Upon hearing this, it occurred to Maka that it had been almost an hour since Kidd had excused himself to use the restroom.

"He's been eating...pretty much anything with chocolate almost obsessively today, so I'm sure he's just paying for it," Liz stated with a careless shrug. "It's his own fault anyway, so I wouldn't be too worried about it."

Maka pushed herself forward from her position with her back against the wall, and began heading off to the bathrooms. "I'll go check on him."

When she got to the bathroom, she ignored the fact she was going straight into the boys' restroom, and pushed the door open. She was about to say something, but was rendered speechless by the state Kidd was in. One trembling hand was clutching the side of one of the sinks as support, while the other was at his stomach with a fistful of his shirt. His eyes were tear-stained and his bangs were soaked in sweat and were plastered against his forehead.

"...Go away..."

The reaper was obviously trying to sound authoritative and commanding, but with how quiet and shaky his voice was, that was impossible.

"Kidd..." Maka murmured, putting an arm around him. "It's okay. I'm here to help you. Liz said you've been eating a lot of chocolate lately, so maybe—"

"No, that's—You don't understand the situation, so there's no point in worrying for no reason."

Had the circumstances been any different, Maka probably would have snapped at him. He had no right to call himself unworthy of being worried about! He was always looking down on himself, but she feared what he said meant it was possibly getting worse.

"I couldn't just stop worrying about you..."

Not knowing what else to say, she breathed on the glass of the mirror a few times and began tracing out numbers, quietly chanting as she did so. "Forty-two, forty-two—"

"_Don't_," Kidd hissed, grabbing Maka's wrist and pulling it away from the mirror. "I can't have my father knowing about that."

That hit a nerve. The girl knew very well how to control her anger when a situation called for it, but she in no way had the patience to continue swallowing back her intensifying fury. "Listen to me, Kidd! I'm trying to help you! If you want to explain first, that's fine, and even if you just don't want Lord Death knowing, I can respect your wish to keep this from him! But that doesn't make it okay to treat me like that when I'm trying to help! There's obviously something wrong with you, now tell me what it is!"

"I..." The reaper let out a soft sigh and forced himself to straighten up, the look on his face clearly displaying traces of guilt. He winced noticeably, and Maka's anger instantly dissolved when he did. "I acted out and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

He turned immediately and began to leave, but Maka grabbed his shoulder before he could.

"I acted out, too, and I'm really sorry. I really only want to help, so please tell me what's wrong."

In turn, she received a painful blow from Kidd and he shoved her away, causing her to painfully hit one of the sinks. "I'm pathetic and worthless—there's nothing more to talk about."

Maka stayed down as her friend left. What had gotten into him? Why was he acting like this? This wasn't like him at all, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. The only one of her friends she ever would have imagined would hurt her like that was Blackstar. But Kidd? What reason was there for him to treat Maka like that?

Eventually, she got back to her feet and went back out to go looking for Kidd. There was definitely something up and she was determined to figure out every detail of it.

* * *

Her two hours of searching proved to be fruitless. Kidd must have found a perfect place to tuck himself away to keep himself from being found by Maka, which not only peaked her curiosity, but her worry and concern for his health and safety. However, she reluctantly accepted her loss—for the time being, at least—and started on her way back home._  
_

"I was starting to think you weren't coming home tonight." That was the greeting she received from Soul when she walked through the front door. "What were you out doing?"

The meister pulled her hair-ties out and let her ponytails fall as she headed back to her room. "I was looking for Kidd. I'm really worried about him. When I found him in the bathroom, he looked terrible..."

"Liz said he was paying for eating so much junk, so I don't think you worrying about it is going to help."

"It isn't like that." Maka spat those words venomously, irritated heavily by the fact that Soul didn't even seem to care at all about how someone who was _supposed_ to be his friend was doing. "I think there's something seriously wrong with him. He didn't just look sick, he wasn't quite acting like himself, either. That's something I should be concerned about and so should you!"

"Like what?"

_Now_ the scythe decided to sound like he cared. _Now_. When Maka had reached her last nerve and didn't want to talk to her partner, _now_ was when he chose to start caring? It didn't matter if now he genuinely felt the way she had initially wanted him to in the first place—her patience had been eaten up by both the past events and all the things she thought could have possibly happened to Kidd.

"Forget I said anything," she muttered, grabbing a book, heading off the the bathroom, and slamming the door shut. Hopefully a bubble bath and some reading could calm her down. She could sort everything out in the morning, but without winding down to get her proper rest, she would have a lower chance of that.

Whatever happened, she was going to fix it—and she was going to do just that.

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**Author's Note: I don't know what I think of this, but I'll give it another chapter and see. I'll either keep it or tear it down, but eh...I dunno yet.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hmm...what shall I do pairing-wise? I always ask myself this question when writing, because most of the time, at least one ship goes sailing. XD**

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Maka sat next to Tsubaki on the bench at the basketball court she, Liz, and Tsubaki decided to meet up the night before, swinging her legs as she waited. She was trying to keep from getting at all irritated by how long she had been waiting for Liz to show up, even as she reminded herself that she had been early and that Tsubaki was only there because she headed out early with Blackstar since her meister insisted on getting there as early as Soul and Maka were going to. Not that he cared much, the blond was sure, as he and Soul only seemed focused on playing round after round of one-on-one basketball.

"So what do you think is wrong?" Tsubaki questioned after Maka retold the events of the previous evening.

In response, Maka shrugged and dropped her gaze to her lap. It was really bothering her that she had absolutely nothing to use to formulate any kind of hypothesis. "I really don't know... I just hope he'll be okay."

Tsubaki nodded, looking as if the stress and worry that was getting to Maka was beginning to depress her as well. She said nothing, and instead folded her hands in her lap and watched the basketball game between the two girls' partners play out.

Suddenly, a plastic airtight bag with a brownie inside, a rectangular box with a very generic-looking label that read "Laxatives," and a white bottle without a label fell on the bench between the girls. Both Maka and Tsubaki looked up to see Liz standing behind the bench.

"Um, what are these?" Tsubaki asked.

"I was looking around the house and found some things Kidd was trying to hide," Liz explained. "He's been putting laxatives in whatever desserts he makes for himself, and then every trip to the bathroom he makes, he pops one of those pills, too, and I guess they're vomit inducers."

"Why...why would he take things like these...?"

Maka hesitated before she answered. Why would Kidd take things like that? It didn't make sense. It couldn't be any kind of medication he had to take—she couldn't see why he would act out the way he did in the restroom and act so defensive about it if it was something he was prescribed.

Then it hit her.

"I've read about this," she said. "A while ago, I was wondering about nutrition and how people should eat, and in one of the books I checked out, there was a section about eating disorders. One of them was bulimia, and this fits perfectly. He takes something for a process called purging, and he got violent with me because of how it made him feel and he didn't want me or anyone else figuring it out."

"Y-you think Kidd might have an eating disorder?" Tsubaki's eyes widened in shock, and Liz was starting to look slightly panicky herself.

"Why would a grim reaper even have a problem like that? _How_? I can understand the whole obsessive-compulsive thing, to an extent, but how this?"

"According to the introduction to the chapter," Maka continued, "being pressured to live up to a certain standard can cause several of the things listed."

Tsubaki's eyes fell half-closed and seemed to darken. "And who would have more pressure to live up to a certain standard than the son of someone like Lord Death?"

"Exactly."

Liz shifted her weight and twirled a lock around her index finger—nervousness, if Maka was reading her right. "How did it say to help? I mean, something like that hardly seems safe, and...well, Kidd's my meister, and I don't like being useless if he needs help."

"Let's see..." Maka's fingers curled around the edge of the bench on either side of her knees and she watched her feet appear and disappear as she swung them, trying to recall exactly what the steps were. "It said to talk to a trusted adult first, then see what they think is the best choice. We can't go to Lord Death, since Kidd told me not to, and the book says that's supposed to be respected. I think we should go to Professor Stein. I think he went out somewhere with my dad today, so we can ask him tomorrow after class."

"Um, sorry, I'm afraid I'm not going to make it," Tsubaki apologized. "Blackstar says he wants to try something out and he needs me for it."

"And I think I'm going to stay with Kidd as much of tomorrow as I can," Liz added. "Maybe I could find out something helpful, or at least get the chance to talk to him about it."

The blond meister nodded. "It's okay—I understand. I can talk to the Professor myself. I'm sure he'll be able to help, and I'll make sure to tell you everything he says."

"Help you with _what_?" An obnoxious inquiry from Blackstar caused Maka to groan inwardly.

"Figuring out where all your mental problems came from," Maka responded coolly. If he wasn't part of the conversation, he had no right butting into it. Why did he decide to come over and bother them, anyway?

This earned a glare from self-proclaimed "Biggest Star Ever," but instead of shooting back a retort, he grabbed the plastic bag and opened it. "Hope you don't mind me taking this, because it's mine now!"

"B-Blackstar, maybe you should—"

"No, we don't mind. You can have it," Maka said, feigning a sweet smile.

"Yeah, Tsubaki, why should he ask before taking it?" Liz asked, playing along with Maka. "I brought it for him, after all." She waved her hand dismissively in the direction of the basketball court. "Now go back to playing. You've had your snack, so stop bothering us."

"Fine, fine!" Blackstar turned and started heading back to where Soul was waiting for him. "Guess I'm just too much for you!"

Maka leaned back against the bench, picking up the box of laxatives and reading the back of it. " 'Effects should occur within ten to twenty minutes of consuming.' "

"I don't think right now is a time for pranks..." Tsubaki murmured, but still kept her voice down enough to where there was no chance of Blackstar hearing.

"Yeah, I guess," Liz replied with a shrug. "But it's better than freaking out when we don't know what to do."

Maka got to her feet. "Maybe I should go to the library and see if I can find a book to do more research. You can come along with me if you want, but you don't have to."

"It's not like there's anything better that I have to do."

"Well..." Tsubaki gave the two girls a slightly nervous, apologetic smile. "I should probably stay behind."

"We'll see you later then!" Maka smiled, genuinely this time, and waved as she walked away, Liz doing the same and walking along beside her.

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**Author's Note: Hmm...I think I like this.**

**Please review—it'll make me very happy~ :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I fear for the OOCness that may ensue here. ^^; So sorry for that.**

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Maka watched as everyone left, and she couldn't help but notice Kidd's slightly unsteady gait. She hoped he would be okay for a little while longer. Going from the research she had done, both laxatives and vomit inducers would without fail take a severe toll on anyone's body, and eventually end up resulting in death. He was a grim reaper, yes—but he had proven several times that even he had strict limits.

She stood up and went to the front of the lecture hall. Even with everyone gone, Maka kept her voice down out of a fear someone might overhear if she didn't.

"Professor Stein? Do you have a few minutes?"

The scientist spun his chair around to face the girl and rolled a little closer to her. "You haven't been acting quite yourself in class today. Is there something troubling you?"

"Yes, that's actually why I need to talk to you... Is it too much to ask to have you keep a secret from Lord Death, no matter what?"

"That depends, but I doubt it."

What was Maka supposed to do? She really did want help, though not only did she want to respect Kidd's request, but the book stated very clearly that it could make things worse if she didn't. "Kidd might die if you don't!"

Why.

Did.

She.

Say.

That?

Was there honestly no better reaction? Was it honestly impossible to stay calm and level-headed, and say something that would be less likely to be reported to Lord Death? Was it? Cursing herself for being so stupid, she dearly hoped that she didn't completely screw up her plan.

Fortunately, Stein seemed to heavily consider what Maka had half-yelled, and relented with a small nod. "I suppose I could let something slide. Now what is it you wanted to talk about?"

"I think—Well, Liz and myself have reason to believe Kidd is bulimic." There it was. She laid it out simply, and almost wished she had coated it in at least a thin layer of sugar, because saying it out loud almost caused her to flinch. "According to what I've read on it, I'm supposed to go to a trusted adult, and I knew I couldn't trust my dad with this, so I came to you..."

"Bulimia, hmm? That's a strong claim to make."

"I know, but he's been taking a lot of laxatives and he's making himself sick...!" She was so close to tears by that point. All of this was just too much for her, but she knew she had to do something. "I don't know what to do and I'm really scared!"

"I'd recommend not directly confronting him about it—that could easily deter him. You won't achieve anything if you start pushing him away." As the professor began his next sentence Maka could pick up the faintest trace of severity in his tone of voice. "And if you say anything negative, you'll only make the problem worse and most of his suffering may be your doing."

"Is that all?"

"Not quite. Basic psychology makes it clear crying can be a release of any strong emotion, and that humans have an instinct to search out comfort, be it from another person or from something like a blanket. The stress of this situation is going to need you to do both whenever you feel you need to. Bottling everything up may hurt Kidd more than yourself."

Upon hearing those instructions, it was impossible for her not to melt into a sobbing mess. All the stress and all the worrying was already starting to wear down on her so soon—it hadn't even been forty-eight hours by that point. What was she to do? Having the well-being of one of her friends in her hands somewhere outside of the battlefield was forcing her out of her comfort zone, and she feared it may become too much for her to handle.

She didn't even move her head to look up when she heard the door open. It hardly even bothered her when she heard her father's voice.

"Hey, Stein, I thought—M-Maka?!"

And in an instant, Spirit was beside his daughter. With both his arms around Maka, he nearly spat his question: "What happened to my Maka?!"

The girl angrily elbowed him as hard as she could and managed a death glare. "I went to Stein instead of you for a reason!" Her irritation and choked throat made her response a shrill scream, and she turned on her heel and left as quickly as she could. Fine, if she couldn't get away from her father at school, she would just go home instead.

The broken promises, the forgotten commitments, the horrible fights... That wasn't the kind of person she ever wanted to have to turn to for comfort.

And thinking about that, while she had absolutely no way of controlling the downward spiral of her thoughts, was not something she wanted. Still, she spent about half an hour sobbing into a pillow because. She was thankful once she began feeling herself drift off into the clutches of sleep. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, and the emotional strain wasn't exactly the easiest thing to put up with.

* * *

When Maka woke up, it was because of the discomfort of her bra. She groaned and got up, rubbing at her eyes. It looked like night had fallen, so it would be fine to change into pajamas or something that would otherwise be indecent to wear if she had someone over or if she went out somewhere.

Just as she tossed her shirt to the side, her door opened.

"Knock first!" she snapped, completely out of reflex. "I'm changing!"

Instead of leaving and closing the door behind him, Soul approached his meister and gently ran three of his fingers over her back. Normally, he would apologize and slam the door shut immediately, but he had never done anything like this before. A very light blush covered Maka's cheeks, and she spun around and smacked him.

"Wh-what do you think you're doing?!" she demanded.

Soul rubbed his head where he received the blow, but was otherwise unfazed. "Turn back around for a sec. There's something on your back."

"There is?" Maka hesitantly turned back around.

The white-haired boy's fingers traced a roughly rectangular shape on her back a few times. "Where did this bruise come from?"

Where _did_ it come from?

...Oh, yeah. She was shoved into a sink. She didn't think the impact was enough to bruise her, but apparently she was wrong.

"I don't know," she lied. "Maybe it happened while we were fighting."

Narrowing his eyes, Soul stopped tracing the bruise. To Maka's surprise, his voice also began picking up a note of intensity. "That's a lie and I know it. You haven't taken any hits that would wound you like that."

"Maybe it—" She cut herself short. No, she couldn't lie to Soul. He was her partner and best friend. So she retold everything that happened that night for the second time, and explained the conclusion and what she had used to make it.

Silence filled the room when the story was over. They were both sitting on Maka's bed, her head resting on Soul's shoulder while her partner quietly sat with an unreadable expression.

"I don't want you trying to take matters into your own hands," he said finally. "I don't want you getting hurt any worse."

The meister said nothing for another few minutes. "Being friends means always helping each other. I didn't say anything about it because I knew you would try to get in my way."

"I'm going to get in the way because it matters to me if you get yourself seriously hurt."

As partners, they always had to look out for each other. Maka felt as if she should be angry or at least frustrated, but she just couldn't—always having someone who would never stop caring was such a nice feeling that she silently clung to. "Trust is part of partnership. I need you to trust me when I say I'll be just fine."

There was hesitation, but the scythe nodded once. "If you say so...I'll trust you."

"Thank you, Soul." She smiled softly and grasped Soul's hand. She wouldn't usually be _quite_ like this, but if she was supposed to do anything that helped her feel even a little more secure about things...

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**Author's Note: I CALL BULLCRAP ON THIS BULLCRAP.**

***ahem* Uh, what I mean is...I don't know what's happening. The train got on the wrong set of tracks and now it's speeding farther and farther away from the intended destination. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but it wasn't even supposed to end up anywhere near here.**

**But~ Please review, and at least stick around for me to formally address the main conflict. I'll make sure that happens next chapter, I promise~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: ...It's been a while since I updated this, and I apologize. I've just been working on an original novel, and that's been consuming a lot of my time. I've also fallen completely in love with DMMD, so even more of my time has been consumed by that as well. I do hope you didn't mind too much. ^^;**

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Half of Maka wanted to take the thickest, heaviest book she owned and drive it down onto Soul's head hard enough to split his head in half for not telling her what he was going to set up before rather than after he did. The other half, however, was thankful he came up with an idea that would most likely work better than anything she had thought of by that point.

_"I gave him a call to come around sometime this afternoon. I'm going to go out somewhere, and that should give you some time to have a one-on-one talk with him. Make sure you don't get yourself seriously hurt."_

That's what Soul had said before he left to God-knows-where, which left Maka only a couple hours at very most to set up a way to go about addressing the issue. There were so many possibilities, all of which could work but perhaps not, that made it difficult to decide on just one. Still, it was probably the best shot she had had up until that point, so she didn't protest. If her friend needed help, she was determined to help him and would be able to make anything at all work. That was just the kind of person she was.

It was around three-thirty when she heard a knock at the door. She immediately got to her feet and answered it. As expected, it was Kidd who was at the door.

"Hello!" With a smile, Maka stepped out of the doorway so the reaper could come in. "Soul said you were coming over today. You can take a seat on the couch if you'd like."

With a curt nod, Kidd sat down. "Speaking of Soul, where is he?"

"Well..." The girl wasn't entirely sure what to say next. She awkwardly closed the door and stood in front of it with her hands behind her back as she locked it, only doing so for a little more peace of mind that he wouldn't leave just as he did before, even though unlocking a door wasn't exactly rocket science. It still helped a small deal, and she wouldn't complain about that. "Actually, he isn't here. He told you to come over so we can talk."

Narrowing his eyes, Kidd got back to his feet. This was a look generally reserved for enemies, and it was, to say the least, frightening. "There isn't _anything_ to talk about. I didn't come to you for help and I don't want you to try. What is the point in offering something that isn't wanted? What do you you think you'll get out of it?"

As much as she wanted to get as far away from him as she possibly could, Maka knew there was no way she could do that. More than anything else, she wanted to help him, as scared as she was. She took a few steps towards him and grabbed his arms to try to keep them at his sides and make him actually listen to her. "You're such a good friend, and I love you so much...! Do you really think I could sit around knowing you're hurting and not do anything about it? I'd rather _die_!"

Her words were met with a hard slap across the face, causing her to stumble backwards, her eyes widening. He...just...hit her... More from shock than pain, she slowly raised one of her hands to gingerly touch her cheek. Her back hit the door and she slowly slid to the floor. She wanted to say something else, but at the moment, she had no more words to say.

Instantly, Kidd's anger seemed to dissolve into guilt and he crouched down on the floor in front of Maka. Silently, he reached out to lay his hand on the one she had on her cheek. A wordless apology, she was sure—but she wasn't sure if she wanted to accept it right then. This was expected...but still...

She glared at him suddenly, her eyes burning with a mix of rage and hurt. "I'm trying to help! What would you do if it was _me_?!"

"I'm pathetic and worthless. I don't deserve to be loved or cared about by anyone. I—"

This wasn't right. His episodes of self-loathing were hysterical and full of yelling and crying, but this particular episode had no energy in it whatsoever, as if he was too tired to be as dramatic as he usually was. It was honestly painful to watch.

"You're expected to live up to really high standards is all." Maka smiled softly, hoping that doing so might help Kidd relax a little. "Everyone might be expecting you to live up to Lord Death, but I don't think anyone could ever do that. I don't know what I would do if everyone expected me to live up to Mama. It's no secret I take after her in some ways, but I don't think I could _ever_ be the great woman she is. There's nothing wrong with who you are—there are only problems when you're compared to someone greater. Everyone falls short sometimes, but the thing is, you just need to pick yourself up and ignore what everyone expects from you for a while."

"...That's what started this..."

He was speaking so softly that she barely even heard him. She hated it so much. There was surely more she could do to help than just talk, right? But contrary to her hopes, she had no further ideas than that, which was more upsetting and frustrating than anything. She hated being so useless in life-threatening situations.

"There aren't any impossible standards you have to live up to. Remember that, okay?"

The reaper hesitated before giving a response. "As a grim reaper and a member of the DWMA, I need to at least stay in proper shape."

What was that supposed to mean? He was sacrificing precisely that as his mind was crushed under the pressure from his peers—wasn't that the issue at hand?

Unless...

" 'Proper shape'?" Maka echoed. "Is...is that why you're doing this to yourself?"

Kidd nodded, opening his mouth as if he was about to say something, but closed it right after. He sat back against the wall next to Maka and turned his head away, hiding his face from her view.

"You can say whatever you want, just tell me the truth. I'm not going to judge you."

With a small sigh, Kidd relented. "It started about...a week ago, I believe. Liz wanted me to do something. I refused, so she dragged me anyway, and..."

Maka put her arm gently around his shoulders. "What happened...?"

"After yelling at me about being a baby,—which I don't blame her for—she said it was a lot more difficult than usual. A-and I know it shouldn't have gotten to me the way it did. I'm pathetic and worthless. A painful death during a fight would be merciful compared to what I deserve."

Towards the end of his last sentence, his voice began to sound choked. It was only a slight detail, but Maka couldn't miss it.

"Oh..."

That was all she had to say. There was no _I'm sure she just said things because she was angry_ or anything else that would possibly help. That one word was the only thing she could manage to get past her lips. All she could to was put her arms around the reaper and hold him close to her body, hoping she wouldn't cry as she felt small sobs shake Kidd's body.

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**Author's Note: Yeah, okay, there. Sometimes it's hard to write this as well and that might be part of the reason I haven't updated in a while. I'm very sorry, and I hope the wait was worth it.**


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